Step 1: Discover Your Own Expectations
Before you can clearly convey your wedding day expectations to your bridal party, you first need to decide what YOUR expectations are. Sit down with your sweetie-to-be and discuss big-ticket topics. These can range from time commitment/event attendance expectations, financial expectations, behavior/mood of the wedding day, etc. List all of them out and make decisions about how you BOTH envision the day.
Example: Are you each going to have a separate bachelorette/bachelor party? If so, do you have the budget to cover everyone you want to invite? How big will the party be? If you’re not going to pay for it, how much to you expect each person to pay? How important is it to have your bachelorette/bachelor party out of the country?
These sorts of questions need to be answered and then you can move forward and tell your bridal party what to expect.
With every wedding and each individual couple, expectations for the bridal party will vary. But never-the-less, there will always be some standard of expectations - whether it be around behavior, attire, time commitment, responsibilities, and financial commitments - and we believe those expectations need to be discussed right up front! This will allow you to be clear and leave the door open for communication about any issues that may pop-up on the journey to your big day, leaving less room for your friends and family to feel inadequately prepared.
But how do you have that awkward conversation when you most likely have a group of people that have their own personalities and opinions?
How to: Talk to Your Bridal Party About Expectations
August 5th, 2024
Step 3: Communicate the Expectations (and be prepared for pushback)
Most people decided to communicate their expectations AFTER asking their bridal party to be a big part of their day. Here’s why we feel you should communicate the expectations WHILE you ask them:
Most people say yes to being in the bridal party without know exactly what they’ve signed up for. This can lead to people not carrying their weight, or feeling resentful for the bride and groom because they didn’t know how much they’d be responsible for.
The wedding industry has become much bigger than it has in past. This means that while every couple is trying to “Keep up with the Jones’”, your bridal party is expected to pitch in and do the same. You need to be mindful of what capacity your bridal party can handle and be prepared to adjust if you choose.
If the expectations are clear from the very beginning, some people may choose to decline to be in the wedding party. AND THAT’S OK! It is well within the right of the couple to set expectations and it is well within the right of someone being asked to be in the wedding party to decline if they feel they can’t adhere to the expectations.
In fact, we suggest you tell each and every person just how much it would mean to you if they could be a part of your day, but express that you are completely understanding if they don’t feel they are able to (if you are understanding, of course). Don’t expect an answer right away and let them know that they can think about their answer!
Step 2: Decide How You Want to Communicate with Everyone
Everyone likes to communicate with their family and friends a different way. You may be the couple who likes to send out an email to the entire group, or you may want to send a text message to each person individually. You also need to consider how each person in your party receives information the best. If you are an email guru but you know that 90% of the bridal party never checks their emails, this may not be the best way to get the information across.
The goal is to make sure that everyone feels prepared and understands the information they are being given.
Step 4: Decide Wedding Party Responsibilities
Most people think that the only assignments to people in the wedding party are the MOH and Best Man. But this is where you need to think carefully about your assignments and who you pick. What are their strengths? What is your relationship with them? If you just assign titles and not actual roles and responsibilities, things can get messy!
For example: If you assign your sister, who isn’t that organized or great at planning the role of MOH. You don’t tell her or any other bridesmaids that you’d like one of your friends in the wedding party to have the role of planning the bridal shower and bachelorette party because of this friend’s exceptional planning talents. Two things will happen.
You will not have a great shower or party because everyone assumed it was your MOH’s job. It will be disorganized and not thought out. Your sister/MOH may even be dreading this task and feel overwhelmed.
There will be tension when your Type A, planning pro, bridesmaid tries to insert herself and help OR will be driven up a wall seeing the haphazard, thrown together parties.
If you clearly state that you want your friend/bridesmaid to take over the planning duties, there will be less stress, smooth planning and a happy wedding party! You can read our blog posts How to: Decide Who is in Your Wedding Party and Wedding Day Responsibilities if you need help with this step!
Step 5: Assign a hype person (aka the Enforcer)
No matter what you decide to do with your wedding, there will be some sort of push-back. Whether it be from the needy aunt, the pushy cousin, or the laidback groomsman that never follows the rules, someone will disrupt your plans and expectations. What you need when that happens is someone who can be the hype person. The person that makes sure that your wants and needs are met and gets everyone excited to make your events happen the way you envision.
You’ll need to pick someone that is also not afraid to tell it like it is. If Aunt Nancy is throwing a fit because she thinks that an outdoor garden party rehearsal dinner is going to be riddled with mosquitos, you need a someone to get her excited about the special drinks you will have and ensure to her that there will be bug repellent available. And if she continues to complain, someone who will tell her that she is more than welcome to stay at home. But that person doesn’t need to be you. Stress doesn’t need to be added to your plate, and relationships don’t need to be ruined over one differing opinion. So, find your hype person and delegate the enforcer role to them!
Step 6: Update the group frequently
Even though you made all of the expectations known and outlined the sequence of events in the beginning, it is good to remind everyone as the time of each event comes closer. By sending out a quick reminder text, it’s a good way to ensure that everyone is on the same page. Keep it short and sweet so you don’t sound too repetitive. And don’t forget you have a hype person! They can be designated to answer any questions as well! Things change, expectations change, and everyone needs to be adequately prepared to ensure that as few problems pop up as possible!
So, no matter how you envision all the events leading up to the big day, the wedding day itself, and the expectations you have for each person, it’s obvious that conveying everything clearly should be a top priority. Hopefully, this will help you come up with a plan and will keep things moving along smoothly!
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